A very nice article

Came across  a very beautiful article on what love is... pretty lengthy but well worth the time to read it:) 

“拥抱 睡觉 不做爱 那么这个男人是真的爱她...”

偶尔和朋友闲谈，谈到爱 谈到性，

他说他在网上看到这样一句话，“拥抱 睡觉 不做爱”。

我说 “如果是你，你能做到吗？”， 他说 “ 能”，

我，笑怎么能，真的能吗？

如果能，他就不会和别人刚恋爱就上床，刚上床就分手了，呵呵。。。

他告诉我世界上没有爱情，爱只不过是对依恋和习惯的一种修饰 因为寂寞才恋爱 ！

不聊了，话题结束，有些事是不适宜深聊下去的 。

回到家，却还一直想着这句话，

我问妈妈“一个人在一切条件都具备的情况下，

可能和自己心爱的人‘拥抱 睡觉 不做爱吗？’

”妈说:"能"，我问:"有可能控制得住吗，那他还算男人吗?!"

时间突然停滞了几秒,妈妈转过头和我说 "...那才是真男人..."

想到了一篇文章 。。。

和最爱的人在一起一定要做的十件事 ！

其中有一条就是 : 抱着她睡觉,但什么也不做！

什么是真爱?

爱不是性 不是欲 不是占有

如果你真的爱她,你想的不是怎么去占有她的身体,

而是会很小心翼翼的保护她,不让她受一点伤害,

哪怕是自己可能给的,也不可以！

只有出于真爱，你才能真正的设身处地的为她着想。

你才会在做每件事情前考虑到这么做会给她带来什么后果,

而不是简单的想着快感,想着占有,想着满足。

读了一篇散文，觉得有一段写的特别美 ：

"还记得那年暑假的一个晚上,我们坐在小镇河边的公园里,

傻傻的聊到凌晨3点,现在想起来心里总觉得那时侯特别美好,

在那棵桃树下，雨淅沥沥的下着,我们牵着手,我的手心里全是汗水,

但我舍不得放开,我想就这样一直牵下去,雨水淋湿了你的衬衫,

不经意间我隐约看见你湿透的胸口在夜色中象树上含苞欲放的桃花一样,

那时候我真想抱紧你,深深的吻着你,但是我没敢,是我没有勇气,

但我并没有后悔,因为那些美好的情节,

那段朦胧的初恋将永远永远地印在我的心上" ... ...

看到这里你的心中是否也有涌起一丝丝悸动?

是否也想到了一些事? 是否也想起了某个人? 我相信真爱,但我只相信一次 ！

任何人都是这样,心底总有一个永远也忘不了的她,那些清涩的故事,那些傻傻的举动 。 。 。

一旦那份至珍的感情结束了,人就变了,变的无所谓了,

变的世俗了,变的圆滑了,变的不再相信什么狗屁爱情了,

你还会像对待初恋女友那样,小心翼翼的保护着她的第一次吗?!

一次次的控制着自己挑战自己的自制力吗?

不会的,有那个必要吗? 甩了钱,一夜情有的是,做爱其实是件很廉价的事情,

如果你把它的实质只当一种情感的发泄,那它比你给的价钱更廉价,一分钱都不值 ！

如果你不爱她,大可不用考虑那么多,拍拍屁股走人呗,管她那么多,

愿意负责任,我负,不愿意负,我走人 .没有处男膜吧,呵呵。。反正我不损失什么。

女人就是衣服,随便换,天凉快的时候,我都可以不穿,有了钱有了权还怕没女人吗？

如果一个男人这样想了,是的,也许他可以拥有一切,但是----却永远无法拥有真爱了 ！

和每个人一样,也一定有一个女人住在他内心最深处,

只不过却也只能住在他自己的回忆中了,坐在一堆钱上的回忆中了 ... ...

真爱来的不容易

我们还年轻有些事情不是我们该享受的,我们也承担不起请珍惜,爱护身边的她

我们还年轻,学生时代的爱情相对于物欲横流的复杂社会是最真最纯的了，

如果你真的拥有了一份真爱，爱是寂寞撒的慌 。

当你们相爱时，一定慢一点上床，别以为脱了裤子就是爱！

如果这样都是爱，那么扣上皮带也就该拜拜。

做爱容易说爱难~！ 每个人都有初恋，初恋结婚成功率仅为千分之三！

当下大多男人会在婚前有过性行为，然而和你发生关系的女孩子成为你的新娘了吗？

没有？！冲动的惩罚更多的来自于女孩子，怀孕、流产、痛苦、伤心......

当你拥着心爱的女孩子的时候，你有没有想过，当有一天你离开她的时候，

你还能坦然的告诉自己，我曾经是爱她的，她是完整的。我给了她完整的爱？！

当你拥着初恋心爱的女孩儿的时候，望着眼前美丽的胴体，你有没有想过，

当有一天你结婚的时候，你心爱的女孩子告诉你，曾经她有过... ...

你会坦然的面对她，告诉她，没关系，你依然是我今生最美的新娘？！

而当你想起曾经的你的她的时候，你是那么爱她，而你没能给她穿上嫁衣，

你却得到了女孩儿最珍贵的东西，你能没有一丝愧疚吗？

如果你真心爱着她，请不要轻易解开你心爱女孩儿的衣服，

如果你真心爱着她，请不要轻易忘了你曾经的承诺！

如果你真心爱着她，请给她安全的臂弯，给她依靠！

如果你真心爱着她，请善待你们的每一天，让她幸福，让你们开心。

如果有一天，你将独自迎来日出和日落；

如果有一天，你的视线里再也找不到曾经的她的影子。

你却依然可以在你的天空里祝福远方的她过得幸福！

因为，你给了她完整的爱！！！！！

Just found another...

I personally loves it cos of it lyrics, so specially dedicated it to someone out there....

Just an uneventful day

Due to the last minute change of the flight timing, I have to find ways to "waste" my 4 hours, but end up I had made it useful instead. Had lunch wif wifey, since I manage to "activate" her to join me for lunch at the airport. Though it just a simple lunch outside, but it seems like it quite a long while since we have done it liow. Though I know it only like 2 weeks ago lah. But hey, for a "couple", that is long enough liow loh. Unless she insist, it only a meal between "house-mate", then I can't complain it been too long liow:p

Arrived in Songkhla but since the vessel is in the middle of the river hence I could not get onboard and end up stuck in office. But luckily, the senior officers came to office, so I had managed to pass on the spares (yes, me a delivery boy again) to them. So at least it not a wasted trip. Hopefully, I could get onboard tomorrow if they could come alongside in the morning. As of now, at least I managed to see two CB where some of the crews still remember me, but could not say the same from my end though:p

While in office, had a discussion with a colleague here and am incline to come over to work here. It seems fun aka challenging. Of cos, it gonna be 7 day works sort of stuffs but it not like me never do before? Also, maybe it a good way for me to get out of some sticky shits which I am feeling. (Me an escapist) Or maybe it might do my career credential a favor (another oversea deployment).

Something very random.... Wow!!! There are many new gals in office but I guess I would (or could) not want to do anything. Reputation at stake and I think I am still having phobia:p Especially it ONE and no one else... for now:p

Rough moment

Never did I know that the frustration can be so intense when you have someone so close to you but yet you have no rights to say anything. Imagine I can't comments when I don't feel right. I can't say anything when I am no comfy seeing/ knowing it. The feeling that I am no longer given the undivided attention, or rather, in fact, I feels so insignificant. A call from someone and I am out. Yet I can't do anything or say anything about it. It a battle that I was told I have lost, how sad is that. I am not given ANY chance at all.

How I envy the ability of one able to find ways to get over things while I am still struggling all these whiles. Simply cos I am a weakling? I am so stupid that I do not know how to let it go? I am finding various reasons to feel the hate so maybe I can move on... but the stupid self of me just could not do so. Must learn from my house mate soon or it will just get rougher as I see how.

Below 2 songs somehow reflects my current thoughts and some of it lyrics speaks a lot about how I feel now...
別問我是誰

我的真心没人能够体会， 像我这样的人不多，为何还要让我难过。。。

到底有誰能夠告訴我

是谁说最坚强的承诺，如今却变得脆弱，请你告诉我。

是谁说要永远的等候，如今让我孤独地走。

However now... this is what I must consciously keep telling myself... 

自古多情空余恨, 此恨绵绵无绝期。 while it gonna be tough after what I have been doing all these while but 命里有时终需有，命里无时莫强求。 Must learn to let go fast fast since I can't force it...

It tough!!!

Having to go through a week, not allowing to contact (unnecessarily). Having to concentrate on my work front with all these happenings. Then working almost like a lone ranger, with not sure what sort of support do I actually gets and at the end of the day, still kena criticized. To make matter worse, all these frustration and upsetting events, I have no one else to pour to but swallow down within myself. Every night, going back to a house where it seems so lifeless, it sure is getting tough. This had been one of the worst week of my life. But after what we gone through today, I guess there will be more of such shitty weeks ahead unless I recover myself sooner rather than later.

I have gave in so much, though not expecting to have the equivalent returns. Just a simple returns of love back to me. Is this too much to ask for? I never know I am such a weakling, especially in this department. I somehow having problem trying to let go of it.  She had always been a major part of my live and decision makings. But from now on, I guess I will just try to pick myself up soon. 

Guess I have much to learn then. 

Next... How should I disclose this to our family or rather if there is a need?

Just a not so happening update

It had been a pretty boring yet tiring day today.

Left the hotel apartment at 6+ in the morning to catch the 1st ferry, so to be in office at earliest possible time and all these cos me had been "requested" to visit one of our client. But with this changes, me have been force to leave everything unfinished here. Kinda worry liow... Hope all turns out well:(

Late in the afternoon, when we're done with the meeting, I did tot of going bk into the Batam yard again:p BUT I guess by now, maybe I'm tired or realized not much can be done at this hour. So will just hv to "depend" on my guys to do what is essential, and do clear out the list sooner rather than later.  Hope all goes well and the vessel can sail out on time on Sat liow:p

Oh yah... just came across an interesting statement...  if 爱的深，伤的更深。所以不要爱。。。 

But I would think 爱的深，伤的更深。。。是因为那表示两人也曾经彼此相爱的很深，也享受过爱人与被爱的喜悦，那此刻的我愿意被伤的很深。所以你又为何选择不要爱了呢? 

Interesting numbers... again

As of 17 Sep, 2010, these are some interesting numbers....

3612 days... this is the number of days we had known each other.

3444 days... this is the number of days we were together as a couple

1167 days... this is the number of days we are married

210 days... sadly, this is the number of days we were physically with each others.

This is a miserable numbers of days we are together and hope the number will continue to increase as the days proceed on.

Special Number

Looking back the years, I realized the number "13" had been a very special number to me. It reflects a lot of happening in my life. 

It gives me the happiest moment of my life and at the same time, it brings me down to the lowest point of my life.

It gives me the first heart felt warmth for a place I called home with my special someone and a number I will rem it as it belongs to this special someone.

How many more pleasant #13 will I goes through and how many more terrible #13 I have to endure?

Is this a lucky number for me? Or a curse number for me?

New Update

After a long long long absence, me is back to blogging again. The whole idea of how this blog started had somehow diverted a bit bit over the last 3 years. However, the very first aim when I started this blog, will once again kick off again. 

This will be a blog where I will update all my happening. What going on in my life. What is the ups & hopefully no down:p It will provides an insight some of my thoughts of the happening and possibly share with someone, and hopefully, they can comments to me as well.

Consider this will be the first blog update for the many more to comes and hopefully I can once again kick start the habit of blogging:p

Back again...

It been exactly one month since I updated my blog. Not that I am lazy to update but it a month of happening that I just tot might as well summary in one entry, in one word... SUCKS!!!!

Things had not been positive in all fronts, nothing seems to go the way I would love to. Main cast for the month, GB. Their repeated failures on various ladies had resulted me going thru a pretty shitty period. Everyday, would just spends the entire day trying recover it.

Then movement of personnel, one of my twin is leaving and not like this is not expected. Then the new guy that suppose to come, also cannot make it liow. The latter case, imo, it just his BS that his coy dun release him but it more like he is using us to get higher package from his current coy. So much bout integrity!!! So now instead of 1 incoming, I end up with 2 outgoing and when both happens on the same time, it really uncalled for.

Then something else din goes in the right direction. Instead of going downward, over the last 30 days, almost everyday, it either maintain at a high or escalating up a bit bit constantly. Had tried various corrective and preventive measure but somehow it not working yet. Then on the average, me zzz bout 4-5 hrs only, so this isn't helping either.

Basically, it a month of happening and it not the positives ones. The only consolation is having to chat with some frnds on daily basis, keeping me distracted from the shit I am going thru. Sharing with them some of my frustrations, in various aspects.

Meanwhile, will just continue to endure as I have a new target to look forward to in a few months time:)

Weird nights

Over the last 3 nights, I got the weirdest routine... As far as my memory recalls, this is the first time I dream for 3 nights in a row and somehow, all these are not related nor link with each other.

1st night, Sunday
Dreamt of myself, wif wifey went to some function at a seaside bungalow (or clubhouse). Somehow, mid way thru the function, I heard a crack and follow on, one of the pillar gives way. Immediately, I rushed out from the bungalow, carried up wifey in my arms (cos she almost fainted and jelly legs:p), and we managed to get out of the place fast enough and standing outside, witnessing the collapse of the house.

Woke up from this dream and it was like only 4+am. Did not manage to zzz after that.

2nd night, Monday
Dreamt of myself walking in a pretty spacious landed property, late at night. No idea whose house is that and it has those pretty nice full length windows. While walking around the house, I just proceed to go into the various bedrooms (since the doors are not close) and found my various family members sleeping in there. When I entered into my sis room, seeing her sound asleep in there, I suddenly heard some things flying around. Suspect it might be a bat, roaming around in her room. So I just go on swing my hands and shun off that "flying object"

Woke up at this point and it is only 2+am. Had a hard time going back to zzz, only at 5+ and wake up at 6+ again.

3rd night, Tuesday
Dream of myself meeting up a frnd of mine, together with his wife. After met up at some place, we went over to a fabric shop, where his wife intro me to a frnd of her. A nice pretty looking young lady (no idea who is that), hahaha... so instead of waiting for me, both my frnd and his wife went off and left me alone there. So I just happily flirting with the girl and actually, I got into her good book:p The happy chatting and exchanging of email address (which I have forgotten liow), we were just about to make plans to go out for dinner rather than waiting for my frnd to return.

Woke up now at 5+am:(

Of the 3 dreams above, I called my mum for some 4D idea only at the 1st dream but sadly, leading to no where. Maybe I should ask more about the 2nd and 3rd dream. Or maybe I shall wait for tonight, if I gonna have any more dream:)

And so... who is able to help me 解梦 ???

Fantasy

Have anyone ever fantasize what you would do if you found a genie or magic lamp? And if the genie grant you 3 wishes, what would it be???

For me...
1. Wealth - am sure it would be the first wish for most mortals:p and I even goes to the extent of how much it would be, how do I achieve these amounts & how this amounts would be sustain through my life:p

2. To be the best in whatever I do - this is crazy stuff, I got into details like for example, academic, what I would achieve. Sports, how good I am, ie, combination of some top footballers known to all and also how I would use these magical in built in me to live my life:p

3. Lastly... turn back the clock - Possibly goes back to when I was 16. So all the above wishes can go according to my plan and knowing what is gonna happen at certain stage of my life, so I can alter to the way I want it:p

Hahaha... I am crazy at this early wee hour. Maybe a case of too much of stress and day dreaming so trying to escape from reality? Or simply becoming a nutcase myself:p

My interesting Sat Nite

Wifey always says tat I could not multitask while watching live footie game. And I have found out I can liow cos me is able to chat with friend while watching live game on tv. BUT of cos, the chat gotta involves footie too:p We basically were chatting the proceeding of the game, sort of like a real time commentary between the 2 of us. Hahaha.... We even got into this half time analysis and tcss bout those players and stuffs. Kinda funny & weird things to do though. But considering I am watching alone and his wife isn't a big fan of footie, so we sort of shared a common avenue of discussion:)

Apart from footie, there is a new subject tonite; Wife:) this were his interesting "objective" observations...

Wifey expectation towards hubby~~
1. Wife shld be ranked the most importance in the heart of the hubby. YET hubby should understand wifey commitment to her family is important so may at time hubby ranked after her family.

2. When wifey sms or msg to hubby, instance or minimum delayed response from hubby is required (this include skype/msn). BUT if wifey could not response soon that is because wifey is busy wif more important things and not available immediately.

3. Money spend should be prioritize on items that is beneficial to either family or house. BUT things that wifey buy for self is important in other aspect where hubby may not understand.

4. Hubby shld at times accept changes and adapt. Wifey.... not ready or necessary to change, happy in comfort zone. Not moving anywhere.

5. Hubby shld learn to accept that they may not the best in whatever they do when they were compared. BUT hubby shld not compare wifey wif anyone but consider whatever wifey did is always the best way in doing it.

Hahaha... I got a friend who sure has a lot of grudges against married woman.

Home Trip

Coming late May, early Jun, I am planning to go back to Sg for my home trip. However, this time round, I also intend to take a detour... over to South Africa, Johannesburg to be precise:)

Obviously, the intend is driven by the World Cup is held during that period. If all things goes well, I am planning to catch the host nation, South Africa vs Mexico. And on the following day, Argentina vs Nigeria!!! After which, hang around in the city for about 2 days before returning to Sg... this sounds just fine:)

Checking through the details online now and apart from the fine weather (Up to ave high of 15degC), there are other factors deemed my wifey is not suitable to join me there. Reason??? Go read up Wiki:)

Hope my plan can pull through this year as this would be a great opportunity to watch a World Cup LIVE!!! and in a way, just to pamper myself:)

Abuse of resources...

A bit of background, due to the distance from office, this particular individual gets to have a personalize driver to pick up to/fro office. Since they arrive early at 7+, so they leave by 5pm, not a minute late. Maybe a special arrangement agreed by boss??? No idea.

So since I got a gal who stays near that pax place, so I had to arrange my gal to walk over there to be pick up as well. (Which I still cannot understand why that pax cannot arrange the driver to make a detour of 400m away?). There was once I was questioned why I employed someone stays so far away??? What sort of question is this?

Anyway, this is a series of sms tonight...

Tat pax...
"Please be informed that I will be going on leave, please inform J**** that she will have to arrange her own transport to office in the morning"

Me...
"Since you are away, we can arrange J**** to continue to go over to your place for the pick up by the driver, so there is no need for him to take detour"

Tat pax...
"No driver will not come to Dubai for any pick up, which was clearly informed to you earlier that when I am on leave she takes care of her transport, that is why I do not want too much entertainment."

Me...
"Ok, noted. So that driver is especially for you only when you around."

Tat pax...
"Yes right!"

So much about professionalism. Why can't I tag along with this existing office resources since it had been abused by this particular individual? Isn't this a very selfish, unprofessional way to do things???

IB again

The IB in office is getting on my nerves again. I got an oversea colleague who came here to assist me in certain task so currently staying in his friend's apartment. Somewhere relatively near to where one of the two driver is staying. Until 2 days ago, this particular ID had been assisting to pick up my oversea colleague. Without any given valid reasons, he had stopped doing so. Was told that it becomes inconvenient, out of the way, blar blar blar...

Interestingly, all these bullshit took place only shortly after one of my colleague need to return to Indonesia. Not trying to speculate anything, but since this ID starts to report back to the IB and this bullshit starts. Pure coincident?

Calling the ID to revert back to the previous practice but giving bullshit excuses of this & that. And even come to a point that I have to ask the IB for permission? What shit is this?

Bopain, for the sake of my oversea colleague, I called tat pax. Hearing all her bullshit and machine gun like rattling non-stop. Still not giving me a firm reply even at the end of the call, wonder what is the pax trying to drive at???

Throughout the call, (which I had deliberately put on speakers, with a number of listener as well), we are all amazed by the nonsensical argument (all sort of bullshit "reasoning" like ID had moved house, which of cos not true), groundless accusation (claimed that I had shouted at the ID) and interesting threat (paying back to me in "interest" for what I did to her previously, shouting at her).

Personally, I just feels that this bloody IB just trying to feel the POWER!!! Tis pax is simply power crazy. Wanting to be in command with all sort of stuffs (trivial & unnecessary, non objective stuff). Wanting to feel the authority to push people around. Wanting to feel the power to tell ppl what to do.

Just another crazy IB!!!:)

Maybe....

Recalled back in one of my previous working place, where all the corresponds are done thru email. It is also common to see words of war flying to & fro. So since then, I had tried not to get into all these time wasting, resources wastage and ineffective, inefficient way to deal with matters. Most of the time, I would prefer to deal with the person directly, possibly face to face. Of cos, that doesn't mean email is not necessary, to keep as "black & white". Especially dealing with certain group of ppl, I am aware such "black & white" would at time turns critical.

Recently, one of my colleague (or should I consider him as my guy) had been getting on my nerves. Knowing his background, I have known long ago the importance of email saka "black & white" when dealing with him. Over the past few months, this fellow had clearly demonstrated this aspect of his "talent" and simply been using email to rebut various issues.

I have been very patient all these while. Whenever he shoot those mails, trying to correct me or trying to belittle me, I have made a more gentleman approach. In some of his mails, just clearly illustrate his ignorance and the wrong side of his attitude. But all these while, I have been telling him in a nice way on how things can be done, spoonfeeding him as some would says.

While I appreciate constructive suggestion and I would dare says that I am ever ready to accept any of these proposals. BUT this fellow simply just don't get it!!! And tonight, this fellow had once again tried his nonsense and I had enough with all his bullshit. So instead of been nice once more, I chose to shoot him down. Critical in my comments on his approach, citing his lack of knowledge, indicate his error & mistake, lastly what he need to do immediately to improve before he gets arse kicking session from me.

At times, I just feels tat this young punk simply thought he knows all, living within his own world, oblivious to the surrounding. And not objective in his approach!!! A kid that still have a long way to go. But after this mail, I guess I will have more nonsense from him in future.

Maybe... just maybe, I should revert back to how I manage my guys back in the previous company, treating them like a kid since they do not know much about initiative? Hahah... this is an insult to him if I really need to do that:p

Depression or Pampering???

Tonite... without any apparent reason, I just went over to Dubai Mall, spending near100AED for a fast food burger meal and another 150AED for some chocolates.

Wifey is concern if it due to depression? Or was it me pampering myself??? Honestly, me have no idea either:p

Something to think about...

It 4am in Sg now, and in another 20hrs time, it Chinese New Year, and it so happen that this year, it coincide with Valentine Day:)

Another year of CNY & VD, yet another year without celebration wif wifey. Wonder how she feels:p Personally, me do feels that this is not healthy as the percentile of us being able to do things together on these special days are sliding down the bar further.

We have a choice but we chose to enter into this rat race, in the context of working for our future. However, interestingly 2 of my frnds I chat with, told me it high time for me to take a step back and re-look the priority in life:) Both feels that I am currently brewing a recipe of trouble, heartache & downfall, possibly due to my characters or "devotion". Something I should be able to avoid, at least for now. Career though it important but there are some other important things too. We don't married to career but we are married to another pax:)

Not like I never think about it before but the chat with them did somehow push me towards that thought even deeper into myself.

What do I want?
What I can afford to lose?
What I can't afford to lose?

Another random post

Bukit Merah = Red Hill, (direct translation) but this make sense, due to some legendary story of the place.

But then, Bukit Timah = Tin Hill... I have not heard any story of this place or neither did I know if this hill has tin.

Then if Bukit (in malay), is a translation for "Hill", then why do they call it Bukit Timah Hill instead of Timah Hill? I mean isn't it when translation, it like like Tin Hill Hill.

Well... just something damn random:)